Admittedly, in the beginning I thought it was me who would save you from your demons. The Demons of White Sadness. I now realize it is the other way round. My pride has melted in the ferocious heat of your unflagging love and I view our relationship from lucid eyes. You, with the soul of a poet, the heart of gold, the phantom eyes. Chipping away at my tough girl shell with your guitar gnarled hands...Rugged yet delicate.. You pluck the strings of my heart, forming all the right chords.. Slowly, steadily your sweet song mends my broken heart. No sudden moves for fear my legendary "TurnAway" will once again invade my system like a virus. Throughout your careful, measured battle I lash out. You retreat with scarred palms, a bruised ego, pausing only to redouble your efforts.
I wasn't me until I met you. Only then did the real me manifest herself. For others I was a microcosm of myself.. never daring to expose my truest thoughts and feelings. And you know all of me. The Girl Who feared she would never meet you. The Girl Who, at the age of 8 wondered who you were and what you were doing. The Girl Who overcame intense feelings of loneliness by imagining your arrival. The Girl Who, at 24 wished you would just get here already. The Girl Who always knew a wedding was not on the cards. The Girl Who gambled and won the lottery when she bet her whole hand on the boy who stole her heart at first sight.
In the violent storm of my fears and anxieties you know just what to say, and how to say it. Your words an umbrella, shelter from the storm. When I dragged home from work last night, tears mingling with the rain trailing down my cheeks, all I could think was I needed you near. I physically ached for those arms to wrap around me like my favorite blanket, protecting me from bitter cold reality.
"I want my husband." I actually sobbed once safely behind closed doors. And you call. Always. From onstage, backstage, parking lots, behind the wheel, pumping gas, cheap roadside diners, while ordering cat fish at the Cracker Barrel, in the motel bathroom with the shower on.. You let the steam set the scene of a dream as your cell begins to power on.
"I miss you so much. Your voice turns me on through the phone. I'm on your side of the bed and you're out there all alone."