Sunday
02Apr2006
Let's Get It On, Sugar
I was on the receiving end of oral sex last night. Strange, that hasn't been a part of the Bielanko repertoire lately. It should be. I get mired down in the funk of life and forget how nice it is to heed Marvin Gaye's wise words. Sometimes, when you're so tired you can't be bothered to wash your face, sex can morph into another item to tick off on the Things To Do list. That's when you desperately need to pull out the black platform boots and get busy.
I don't care who reads this blog. I don't care IF you read this blog. I can't not write what I wanna write because certain people are reading. Unless what I want to say is potentially hurtful to them.. but I have lines drawn in my head.
For mental release, thought organization, it has become necessary for me to type here. So I will continue to do so. There are some lines I won't cross... but really, I can't be bothered to worry too much about what you think about me, whoever you are. If you can relate, in any way, that makes me happy. If I give you cause to chuckle, that makes me laugh. If you think my writing is shit, you needn't feel obligated to tell me so. I have enough self doubt rocketing through my soul without your dose.. Just move on. Anymore there are as many blogs out there as stars in the sky. I'm sure you'll find something that lights your fire.
I actually got recognized walking down the street in Brooklyn yesterday. A pretty blonde girl yelled "Hey! I know you!" from across the street. The Surge and I stopped. I assumed she was a Marah fan and waited for her to cross Bedford Avenue to tell The Surge how much she likes his band. "I live in Manhattan and I love your blog" she says to me. I was stunned. And no S, my recent reticence about blogging is not due to your recognizing me. That actually made my day.
I've engaged in some pretty petty behavior lately. Makes me not like myself so much. I want to bond with women, share common hurts, lift each other up. Transcend the cattiness that was so much a part of our younger years. I want to meet a fanastic girl and celebrate her, not be silently jealous.
There is a woman I work with who is the most amazing, uplifting, positive person. I want to be like her.. Because while she is fabulous and wise, she still acknowledges the silly fights with her husband, googling ex-boyfriends and the like.. She is the perfect blend of woman.. sugar AND spice.
So I move on.. lessons are learned and you can only keep moving forward and try to be better the next time around.
I don't care who reads this blog. I don't care IF you read this blog. I can't not write what I wanna write because certain people are reading. Unless what I want to say is potentially hurtful to them.. but I have lines drawn in my head.
For mental release, thought organization, it has become necessary for me to type here. So I will continue to do so. There are some lines I won't cross... but really, I can't be bothered to worry too much about what you think about me, whoever you are. If you can relate, in any way, that makes me happy. If I give you cause to chuckle, that makes me laugh. If you think my writing is shit, you needn't feel obligated to tell me so. I have enough self doubt rocketing through my soul without your dose.. Just move on. Anymore there are as many blogs out there as stars in the sky. I'm sure you'll find something that lights your fire.
I actually got recognized walking down the street in Brooklyn yesterday. A pretty blonde girl yelled "Hey! I know you!" from across the street. The Surge and I stopped. I assumed she was a Marah fan and waited for her to cross Bedford Avenue to tell The Surge how much she likes his band. "I live in Manhattan and I love your blog" she says to me. I was stunned. And no S, my recent reticence about blogging is not due to your recognizing me. That actually made my day.
I've engaged in some pretty petty behavior lately. Makes me not like myself so much. I want to bond with women, share common hurts, lift each other up. Transcend the cattiness that was so much a part of our younger years. I want to meet a fanastic girl and celebrate her, not be silently jealous.
There is a woman I work with who is the most amazing, uplifting, positive person. I want to be like her.. Because while she is fabulous and wise, she still acknowledges the silly fights with her husband, googling ex-boyfriends and the like.. She is the perfect blend of woman.. sugar AND spice.
So I move on.. lessons are learned and you can only keep moving forward and try to be better the next time around.
Apr 2, 2006
Reader Comments (25)
Sounds like the two of you have a lot in common Monica! Keep on doing what makes you feel good regardless of what it might solicit. You are talented and inspiring...
'I want to bond with women, share common hurts, lift each other up. Transcend the cattines that was so much a part of our younger years. I want to meet a fantastic girl and celebrate her...'
Keep it coming sister because you are on this exact track. I feel when I log on and read your blog that I have bonded with you and shared common hurts from thousands of miles away...the readers of this blog have met a fantastic girl - you - and we enjoy reading what you have written in celebration of you.
Good girlfriends are hard to find. Don't beat yourself up over it all.
P.S. I don't believe petty is the right word for you, my dear. Pretty is much more accurate.
Monica
Oh, and? Still listening to Marah (although I missed the Chicago show because I was frickin SICK) and my daughter still thinks it's pretty cool that she indirectly knows a rock star.
I'll try to comment more, Monica. And hey - check out my blog too, I'd like to hear your thoughts on that as well...
Dasi, I always wondered if you ever got to see Marah. Total bummer you missed the show. Oh well. It looks like they're touring well into the summer
I agree, we women are so rough on one another.
Someone once told me that the women of whom I should be most frightened are those closest to me. Isn't that heartbreaking? I believed that for a long time, and I think I really, really missed out on knowing a lot of great women. Glad I don't think that anymore.
No No and No.
Nobody wants you to lay back. It won't work.
You've gotten this far by being brutally honest. You've also discovered that many others' feel exactly the same way, but don't have the "gift."
You do.
Whenever something makes you cringe, or want to edit yourself, think about that being the writer's G spot. You've found it. Work that groove.
You're not a criminal for thinking the way you think. It's uniquely you. To be able to lay it out in the way that you do is "the gift."
As per the oral sex, Maybe mom-in-law gets a chuckle or a hint of "aw shuck's", but I assure you, she's the fucking coolest human being walking this planet, feeling just as insecure as the rest of us (hello Marian!! Yes it is me!). She believe's too, because she believes in her kid's; all of them.
So don't sugarcoat...kay?
PA boy
P.S. The oral sex thing: I always thought that if you had a guy that LIKED to do that, you were lucky. But I have since learned most men (including my spouse) love to do it - whether you're into it or not. I could be watching Leno with a mask on my face, eating popcorn and he's all Ready To Go, says he'll keep his head down so I can finish watching my show. WTF??? CAn you even imagine that the other way around?
Your move!
Thanks for checking out my blog. It's still in its incipient stages so I haven't gotten to posts about oral sex yet. In the meantime, I'll probably stick to the music reviews/commentary and leave the cunning linguist material to you. Your far more gifted at it than I. The writing about it part I mean.
Honestly, "The Girl Who" is one of the best examples of bare-it-all, contemporaneous journal/memoir writing I've ever read. Even the most revealing moments don't embarass me, they tune in so well to the anxieties and inadequacies we all find in our most naked selves (literally and figuravtively).
When is somebody going to option you for an Ex-Mormon memoir? Or has that already been done. I know I'd buy it.