Wednesday
26Jul
Link Park
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
So. Another day. The Surge just left for Chicago. Then on to Nashville to record a soundtrack for an upcoming movie. The soundtrack is all Marah which will definitely be cool. I've heard some of the songs and they're amazing. Kind of a bluegrass, folky vibe.
Me? I'm just floating around. Still applying for jobs, exercising a lot (Did she type exercising? I know, it surprises me too!) I'm writing quite a bit. I decided I wasn't finished with The Girl Who. A very wise bestselling author as well as a lovely editor nudged me in a different direction. So I've decided to write about what I feared writing about. My childhood. Growing up Mormon. The scandal that rocked a small Mormon community:
"The church court sent Mom back into the lobby while they deliberated her fate. She sat there with Dad horrified by the speed at which her life had spiralled out of control. The minutes ticked by, the silence so loud it hurt her ears.
"Elaine. Craig. We've made a decision." My parents were called back before the court to hear the verdict.
My parent's divorce and what happened to my family afterward:
"Dad would call every now and again. But a telephone conversation with a child is like pulling teeth.
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"What did you learn in school today?"
"Nothing."
"Are you being a good girl?"
"I guess so."
"Is your slut Mom still dating that asshole?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean, 'you don't know'?"
"I don't know."
"Where is she right now?"
"I don't know."
"Are you being smart with me?"
"No."
Dad sighs in exasperation. "Okay. I love you."
"I love you too." I replied automatically."
Unlocking secrets from my family's past:
"Dad, do you have life insurance?"
"Yep." He strokes his beard with the fingers of his right hand, a habit that has been with him for as long as I can remember.
"So we get lots of money when you die?"
"My life insurance policey is for 100,000 dollars. So split that three ways and that's what you get."
"Three ways? But you have four kids, Dad."
"I have three kids."
"What?" I am utterly bewildered.
"C'mon Monica. Quit being such an idiot. You know." My brother rolls his eyes from his throne, the passenger seat next to Dad.
But I really didn't know. Dad and Brandon, exchange looks. Two conspiring best buddies who apparently hold the keys to Pandora's Box. The box that contains all the bad secrets about my family. Things I didn't know about. Things I didn't want to hear."
And of course, what would a good Mormon memoir be without...Perverted bishops!:
"Soooo.." Bishop Johnson leans back in his office chair, adjusts his red and white striped tie, (like a candy cane, I think) and looks at me through lowered lids. "Your boyfriend stuck his finger in your vagina? How far did he stick his finger up?"
I'm startled by the directness of the question. The word 'vagina' slid easily out of his thin, sharp lips. But it didn't sound the same as when my health teacher said it in school. It sounded different. Bad. "Why do you need to know that?" I ask.
"Because I need to determine the gravity of your sin."
Anyway - so there's that.
On a side note - I have a set of blogs I read every day, websites I peruse etc.. I tend to come across some interesting stuff. So I've decided to add a links of the day page. Just funny, intruging bits I find on the web. If you have a favorite blog you've written or photo you've taken or you find an interesting blog/link/photo/news item feel free to email it to me. I may just throw it in the next set of "Link Park". Turn me onto new stuff, people! I'm unemployed! I got nothin' but time! Pimp your artistic endeavors! If I dig it, it'll go up.
Me? I'm just floating around. Still applying for jobs, exercising a lot (Did she type exercising? I know, it surprises me too!) I'm writing quite a bit. I decided I wasn't finished with The Girl Who. A very wise bestselling author as well as a lovely editor nudged me in a different direction. So I've decided to write about what I feared writing about. My childhood. Growing up Mormon. The scandal that rocked a small Mormon community:
"The church court sent Mom back into the lobby while they deliberated her fate. She sat there with Dad horrified by the speed at which her life had spiralled out of control. The minutes ticked by, the silence so loud it hurt her ears.
"Elaine. Craig. We've made a decision." My parents were called back before the court to hear the verdict.
My parent's divorce and what happened to my family afterward:
"Dad would call every now and again. But a telephone conversation with a child is like pulling teeth.
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"What did you learn in school today?"
"Nothing."
"Are you being a good girl?"
"I guess so."
"Is your slut Mom still dating that asshole?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean, 'you don't know'?"
"I don't know."
"Where is she right now?"
"I don't know."
"Are you being smart with me?"
"No."
Dad sighs in exasperation. "Okay. I love you."
"I love you too." I replied automatically."
Unlocking secrets from my family's past:
"Dad, do you have life insurance?"
"Yep." He strokes his beard with the fingers of his right hand, a habit that has been with him for as long as I can remember.
"So we get lots of money when you die?"
"My life insurance policey is for 100,000 dollars. So split that three ways and that's what you get."
"Three ways? But you have four kids, Dad."
"I have three kids."
"What?" I am utterly bewildered.
"C'mon Monica. Quit being such an idiot. You know." My brother rolls his eyes from his throne, the passenger seat next to Dad.
But I really didn't know. Dad and Brandon, exchange looks. Two conspiring best buddies who apparently hold the keys to Pandora's Box. The box that contains all the bad secrets about my family. Things I didn't know about. Things I didn't want to hear."
And of course, what would a good Mormon memoir be without...Perverted bishops!:
"Soooo.." Bishop Johnson leans back in his office chair, adjusts his red and white striped tie, (like a candy cane, I think) and looks at me through lowered lids. "Your boyfriend stuck his finger in your vagina? How far did he stick his finger up?"
I'm startled by the directness of the question. The word 'vagina' slid easily out of his thin, sharp lips. But it didn't sound the same as when my health teacher said it in school. It sounded different. Bad. "Why do you need to know that?" I ask.
"Because I need to determine the gravity of your sin."
Anyway - so there's that.
On a side note - I have a set of blogs I read every day, websites I peruse etc.. I tend to come across some interesting stuff. So I've decided to add a links of the day page. Just funny, intruging bits I find on the web. If you have a favorite blog you've written or photo you've taken or you find an interesting blog/link/photo/news item feel free to email it to me. I may just throw it in the next set of "Link Park". Turn me onto new stuff, people! I'm unemployed! I got nothin' but time! Pimp your artistic endeavors! If I dig it, it'll go up.
Reader Comments (32)
I think it would be COOLIO if you became a famous writer!
AmblingAmply.SquareSpace.com
LithiumPicnic.com (fetish/goth photography)
Yuo can always link to my blog, any day ;-) Shameless self-pormotion, I love it.
Monica, I honestly think every one of your stories is worth telling. Let them all come out.
and i really hope that this did not sound like ass kissing ;)
Here is a link to one of my favorite photo blogs... the guy does some incredible post processing on his photos.
http://www.j-roumagnac.net/index.php
Thanks StFarmer! It'll go up tomorrow. Again, anybody feel free to email me links. All the time. I'm hoping to compile an interesting set of new links every day that may help you pass that boring period after you wake up and before you can legitimately begin drinking.. you know - between 9AM and 5PM.. There will be some regular links like the Urban Dictionary Word of the Day (today's is a good one!) and Weird But True.. other than that.. it's whatever I find on the web that tickles my fancy. If you link me to the favorite blog you've written - it automatically goes up whether I like it or not (and I'm sure I'll LOVE it). Spreadin' the blog love and all.
"Here is a link to one of my favorite photo blogs... the guy does some incredible post processing on his photos".
That is awesome...today I am illiterate!
The writings of the Girl Who are didactic.
My husband is continually amazed by the stories I tell (particularly the Mormon related variety) so much so that he's a bit of a Mormon history buff at this point (which is annoying!) He's currently reading a biography on Joseph Smith. He's always urging me to "write about that. It seems normal to you but trust me, it's not!" Anyway, Mom reads the blog every day and would totally call me out if I started making shit up, particularly in regard to her or Mormonism..
St. Farmer, I think those photos actually moved me, is that possible?
MeDumbfounded, I will expound upon my sarcasm simply because I want to, and quite frankly I enjoy crushing the beliefs of all who may still cling to some blind conviction in this god figure and claim authority on its behalf. I suppose I could start by laying out the history of organized religion as a whole but I will spare everyone the details but ask all to think about the history of every ancient and modern war and take a look at the reasons for the conflict. Most likely the wars started because someone in power (King, Monarch, Baron, Caesar, Caliph, Maharajah, Majesty, or Mikado) decided they wanted to expand their influence and wealth and what better way than to invade your neighbor. Of course, as a ruler you need the support of your people and how do you do that? You tell them god hates everyone that doesn’t believe as you do and god wants you to kill them. You tell the people to cut off their head and pike ‘em for the buzzards, or just burn them alive because he doesn’t want you to spill heathen blood. Either way, someone’s gotta die for your god.
When all the non-believers are either dead or converted the king may sit back fat and happy for the time being.
Hell, I could go on for a while but I am tiring of this topic so just let me leave you with this: There are 7 billion people on the planet, the main religions claim god only speaks to their chosen ones (Prophet, Buddha, etc.) so my point is this: Why would I listen to anyone, anywhere claiming to speak for god on my behalf? Am I any less capable of receiving enlightenment?
That’s all. Don’t put any more fucking quarters in the machine.
I wish those were my photos!
I ran across that website when I was researching a camera to buy someone as a gift. That guy uses a Nikon D200 and it is the camera I ended up buying. The photos from the person I gave the camera to aren't quite that good yet. A lot of what makes good digital photography is in the photo editing.
You know we love you!
I stop by daily to see what's going on with the Girl Who and I cast my worthless vote heartily in the direction of telling your story. The real one. With the Mormon stuff and all. Because while it may not seem strange at all to you, as you lived it, it is fascinating to all of us.
It's a real, bonafide motherfucker of a story to tell and I think you can make people laugh and cry and help lots of people along the way. And like you said, your Mama is there to keep you real.
After you put some of The Girl Who snippets in here yesterday, I put this on the top of my daily stops lists, because dis sum good shit, and not in a trainwreck sort of way. In a real life, this happens to people and they live to tell about and become incredibly beautiful and talented sort of way.
Carry on. Love it.
Susanna
Anyways, long time reader second time poster. :)
Seriously interesting blog!