Thursday
Jun072007
The Click By
I receive a mixed bag of emails regarding my internet spiderweb with my husband's ex-girlfriend... From let it go, you're crazy and you just look foolish.. to keep telling your story, it's fascinating!. I agree with folks on both sides of the fence. It IS crazy. But I'm not. This, The Click By, has been filed in its proper folder in my life. I can look back and laugh at the nuttiness but also understand how it transpired and what drove both Caroline and myself.
This story was written in February when my husband's ex-girlfriend was stampeding across the internet, farming out her blog about me to blog carnivals, my friends, Serge's fans and anyone else who would read. Now, I'd like to think both Caroline and I have moved past the whole thing. I don't know what that entails for her and I don't care. For me, it means I can laugh about it. Yet it doesn't mean I'm going to avoid the subject on this blog. I've come to understand the interest in our crazy internet shenanigans. It's a wild, fucking story! A perfect blog serial because it's about blogs. And the internet. But you're blogging about it, which means you're not over it, you're thinking. But I blog about EVERYTHING and this part of my life is no exception.
My Mom and I have engaged in spirited discussions about the merits of sharing this particular story. Am I perpetuating the situation? There is no situation as far as I'm concerned. Caroline can and has written (at great length) whatever she had to say about me and now I'm doing the same. I'm a writer and I'm not going to NOT write about something so some internet strangers think I'm mature... or whatever you think choosing not to write about this would make me. In fact, I feel like not writing about it when I've written about so many other personal occurances makes more of something that actually pales in comparison to other private things I've written here. The saga is over and now is the proper time to reflect. I am simply recounting the very same events she recounted, from my perspective.
But no, I don't think I'll ever fully "let it go". Like a divorce or some other notable event in someone's life, it's part of me. It's a crazy, fucked-up, unbelievable story that spanned the first two-and-a-half years of my married life. I tell people what took place and they look like they're watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy. They hang on every word, eyes widening, mouths gaping, mind-boggled by the events that transpired.
Although a good chick fight appeals to the very basest emotions in all of us, The Click By is entertaining and thought-provoking for so much more than two catty girls going at it. The sociological and societal implications are pretty interesting as well. This story could have only happened at this specific time in technological history. At the very time blogs, Myspace, Flickr and YouTube exploded in popularity. Unaware of each other, both Caroline and I developed an interest in computers and began furthering our skills at the very same time. Not only that, but stat trackers and IP trackers became very user-friendly at the precise moment Caroline and I became aware of our need and want for that kind of tool. Had I married my husband a year earlier I really don't think any of this would have taken place, at least not to this extent.
I believe this same scenario is being played out and will play out - although perhaps not to this extreme - all across the world for decades to come. Blog spying, MySpace/Friendster/Bebo monitoring and Flickr peeking at ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends the world over. Caroline and I were the guinea pigs for this phenomenon. The first people I know to become entangled and ultimately burned in this unique situation. There was no precedent, no self-help book or How To manual on how to deal with the strange circumstances we both found ourselves in.
It all goes back to human nature and basic curiosity. Although I happen to think looking at someone's MySpace page or reading their blog isn't stalking or even spying. You are in public. The internet is the equivelent of a crowded street. You don't want certain people looking in your window, draw the blinds, make it private or get off the internet. Or stop monitoring IP addresses and just do your internet thing without the possibly uncomfortable knowledge of who's looking. I've opted for the latter. I don't monitor IP addresses, don't care who reads this blog or looks at my MySpace page but I assume that most people I know read it and I write responsibly... most of the time. Admittedly, I've pissed off a few folks during the course of this blog, but that's only natural. It was never intentional and each and every time I took down the offending material.
So. If you think I'm being juvenile by telling this story, the solution is easy; like a bad book, don't read it. Caroline shared her full story, from beginning to end. She dragged me and my husband and very personal situations into the spotlight, linked to my readers and hate bloggers and my husband's fans. Her reaction to me at every juncture has been overly- dramatic and disproportionate to the situation. At the height of my frustration with her I responded in the only way I know how. I wrote. On this blog I've written in great detail about every other aspect of my life.. from a teenage abortion to depression and even recent marital problems. So this? This chick drama? It's just another chapter in my life.. And I think it's fascinating. It's filled with love, hate, obsession, rage, jealousy... all the usual requirements for a good tale... and amazingly, all of it was played out through words over the internet. We've never even met! What could be more interesting to a writer than a word war? I am so amazed by the twists and turns of this story that I think my first fiction book will be based on these events. I'm not one to pass up the telling of an intriguing story.
This story was written in February when my husband's ex-girlfriend was stampeding across the internet, farming out her blog about me to blog carnivals, my friends, Serge's fans and anyone else who would read. Now, I'd like to think both Caroline and I have moved past the whole thing. I don't know what that entails for her and I don't care. For me, it means I can laugh about it. Yet it doesn't mean I'm going to avoid the subject on this blog. I've come to understand the interest in our crazy internet shenanigans. It's a wild, fucking story! A perfect blog serial because it's about blogs. And the internet. But you're blogging about it, which means you're not over it, you're thinking. But I blog about EVERYTHING and this part of my life is no exception.
My Mom and I have engaged in spirited discussions about the merits of sharing this particular story. Am I perpetuating the situation? There is no situation as far as I'm concerned. Caroline can and has written (at great length) whatever she had to say about me and now I'm doing the same. I'm a writer and I'm not going to NOT write about something so some internet strangers think I'm mature... or whatever you think choosing not to write about this would make me. In fact, I feel like not writing about it when I've written about so many other personal occurances makes more of something that actually pales in comparison to other private things I've written here. The saga is over and now is the proper time to reflect. I am simply recounting the very same events she recounted, from my perspective.
But no, I don't think I'll ever fully "let it go". Like a divorce or some other notable event in someone's life, it's part of me. It's a crazy, fucked-up, unbelievable story that spanned the first two-and-a-half years of my married life. I tell people what took place and they look like they're watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy. They hang on every word, eyes widening, mouths gaping, mind-boggled by the events that transpired.
Although a good chick fight appeals to the very basest emotions in all of us, The Click By is entertaining and thought-provoking for so much more than two catty girls going at it. The sociological and societal implications are pretty interesting as well. This story could have only happened at this specific time in technological history. At the very time blogs, Myspace, Flickr and YouTube exploded in popularity. Unaware of each other, both Caroline and I developed an interest in computers and began furthering our skills at the very same time. Not only that, but stat trackers and IP trackers became very user-friendly at the precise moment Caroline and I became aware of our need and want for that kind of tool. Had I married my husband a year earlier I really don't think any of this would have taken place, at least not to this extent.
I believe this same scenario is being played out and will play out - although perhaps not to this extreme - all across the world for decades to come. Blog spying, MySpace/Friendster/Bebo monitoring and Flickr peeking at ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends the world over. Caroline and I were the guinea pigs for this phenomenon. The first people I know to become entangled and ultimately burned in this unique situation. There was no precedent, no self-help book or How To manual on how to deal with the strange circumstances we both found ourselves in.
It all goes back to human nature and basic curiosity. Although I happen to think looking at someone's MySpace page or reading their blog isn't stalking or even spying. You are in public. The internet is the equivelent of a crowded street. You don't want certain people looking in your window, draw the blinds, make it private or get off the internet. Or stop monitoring IP addresses and just do your internet thing without the possibly uncomfortable knowledge of who's looking. I've opted for the latter. I don't monitor IP addresses, don't care who reads this blog or looks at my MySpace page but I assume that most people I know read it and I write responsibly... most of the time. Admittedly, I've pissed off a few folks during the course of this blog, but that's only natural. It was never intentional and each and every time I took down the offending material.
So. If you think I'm being juvenile by telling this story, the solution is easy; like a bad book, don't read it. Caroline shared her full story, from beginning to end. She dragged me and my husband and very personal situations into the spotlight, linked to my readers and hate bloggers and my husband's fans. Her reaction to me at every juncture has been overly- dramatic and disproportionate to the situation. At the height of my frustration with her I responded in the only way I know how. I wrote. On this blog I've written in great detail about every other aspect of my life.. from a teenage abortion to depression and even recent marital problems. So this? This chick drama? It's just another chapter in my life.. And I think it's fascinating. It's filled with love, hate, obsession, rage, jealousy... all the usual requirements for a good tale... and amazingly, all of it was played out through words over the internet. We've never even met! What could be more interesting to a writer than a word war? I am so amazed by the twists and turns of this story that I think my first fiction book will be based on these events. I'm not one to pass up the telling of an intriguing story.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun