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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Tuesday
Oct202009

No, Robots Aren't Reading My Blog But Wouldn't It Be Totally Awesome If They Did?

Although he has his own blog, Serge has no idea, really, how to read blog stats. I set up his blog for him and every time he tries to read his stats I have to explain the difference between unique users and page views and although he memorizes river currents and complex weather charts in relation to fly fishing and can play, like, twenty instruments, he cannot absorb this information. About thirty seconds into my blog statistics lesson his eyes glaze over, he mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "sexy time" and then makes a grab for my rack.

Yesterday, once again, I was trying to explain blog stats to him. We were on the back end of this site where a very simple chart displays unique visitors, page views and robot hits. Now, savvy bloggers like you and I know that robot hits indicate how many pages a search engine tracks on your blog but Serge, well, he's another story.

ME: So page views are how many different pages of your blog---
SERGE: Ooooh look! What're robot hits?
ME: No, no that doesn't mean...

But it was too late. I could already see the childlike gleam in his eye. The very same gleam that appeared when he lovingly caressed his brand, new fishing reel.

SERGE: So are all these robots reading your blog?
ME: Sigh. No, robots are not reading my blog.
SERGE: Where are the robots?
ME: There aren't robots reading the blog.
SERGE: But it says---
ME: I know what it says. That just shows how many search engines are indexing the blog.
SERGE: Are search engines robots?
ME: Kind of?
SERGE: And they're looking at pages on your blog?
ME: I guess.
SERGE: So robots ARE reading your blog!
ME: Yes Serge. Robots are reading my blog and one day they will rise like Terminators and take over the universe.
SERGE: AWEsome!!!!