Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
You can also find Monica's writing here:
Search The Girl Who
« La Famiglia | Main | Patience Personified »
Thursday
Mar042010

Baby On The Brain

I guess I don't mind telling you that I want another baby.

Like, now.

There is no spring chicken-ness in these here bones. In fact, by Utah standards, I should be welcoming my first grandchild right about now. I often think about a high school friend of mine who got pregnant at sixteen. Her baby is sixteen now! I found him on Facebook and everything. A girl I know has a sixteen year old. Whoa. Heavy. I guess I also don't mind telling you that I am exuberantly participating in the sorts of activities that lead one down the path of eventually having another baby. You know, Serge and I are holding hands when we nap. And stuff.

Serge and I have been engaged in this unprotected, willy nilly, freewheeling, procreating type of behavior since January. Which means I have officially ovulated two times without getting pregnant. Yes, I got my period today and cried. I know, I know. Some people try this procreating type of behavior for years without seeing results. It will happen in due time, but I can't help it, I get all foot stamp-y and impatient. I have a plan, dammit! Twice before in life I got knocked up on a dime so this? This waiting? It isn't part of my plan!

It is admittedly fairly humorous to contemplate the cartwheels I turned in my youth in order to avoid pregnancy. Dreaded pregnancy. All the trying over the years NOT to get pregnant. I always figured I was a fertile, Mormon bunny, a wide-hipped, birthing machine. BUILT FOR PROCREATIN'. I mean, I had sex with my underwear on (you know, Mormon style) and got pregnant at seventeen for crying out loud... And now, when I want it more than anything, I may be forced into all this taking of temperature to determine ovulation and so forth. That karma, she's a bitch, ain't she? Or maybe my lady parts got tired of waiting around for sexy time and have begun to shrivel, who knows?

I know folks are generally fairly secretive about whether they're trying for a baby and once pregnant they don't like to share until they're at least three months along but it doesn't bother me to tell you these things. Hellfire, you will be privy to whatever occurs anyway. So all aboard the pregnancy train, y'all! WOOOO WOOOOO!

As Serge and I did the ol' Violet shuffle this afternoon, me on my way to work while he is heading home from work, he mentioned he was stopping at the store to buy juice for Violet, so I asked him to pick me up a box of tampons. Every husband's dream, right? But he's a trooper, my fella, and dutifully asked me to describe the box. The big, blue box, I told him. Says Tampax in big letters and there is a rainbow of colors indicating super aborbency, regular and lite. Get me the box with all three. The menstruatin' combo pack, if you will.

Also, is it just me or doesn't light really seem lighter when spelled L-I-T-E? It's just so airy it could float.

About an hour later my cell rings during the afternoon editorial meeting at work. We're all huddled around the anchor desk discussing the top stories of the day here in Utah, U.S.A and which reporter will be assigned to what story. This one gets the Hey! Lets Make Abortions Illegal Bill, that one gets the Mitt Romney Interview that's sure to draw 'em in like flies on shit. Utahns love their Jell-O and Mitt Romney, and not necessarily in that order. And those are actual stories today, people. The news in Utah does not disappoint. It's exactly what you'd think it would be.

I usually don't answer my cell during these work meetings but Violet's been really sick and when I saw it was Serge calling I worried something may be wrong.
"Hello?" I whispered. "I'm in the meeting, people are looking at me".
"Oh. Sorry." Serge whispered back. Why was he whispering, I wondered then realized he was unconsciously whispering because I was whispering. "I just need to know if I have the right box. It's blue, right?"
"Yeah." I mumbled. "Big, blue box." I glanced around at my coworkers. "It should have, like, an orange, yellow and green splash of color across the box. Or maybe it's yellow, green and purple. Anyway, you'll see the words super absorbency and regular..." My voice trailed off as I noticed my producer, Whitney, looking at me.
"Yes. YES! I HAVE THE RIGHT ONE!" Serge stage whispered as if he'd just won the lottery.
"Okay then, gotta go." I hung up and proceeded to giggle my way through the rest of the meeting as I pictured my grizzly bear of a husband strolling grocery aisles, holding our sweet pea and a box of tampons, furtively whispering into his cell about super absorbency. Nearly makes up for getting the damned period in the first place.

Reader Comments (24)

OMG, that is hilarious. Serge is a total champ. Yay for procreating! Best of luck - love that you share the whole journey with us.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeenie Beanie

:) !!! hey I think we should take a bet who's gonna be first, shall we? have a nice day!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranajo

omg! you make-a-it-me-laugh!
And was he whispering in that Phila accent of his? "what bawx is it?"
GREAT! HILARIOUS!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergd

HA! That's awesome....I have to send my husband with a picture of the product or draw a picture in great detail. But hey, at least he'll buy them.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Domestic Goddess

PS - I am from Philly (born and raised! WOO!) and while most people speak that way around here, For some reason I do not. Most people do. I was at the gym the other day and someone said, "Are you from the West Coast?" And when I looked at them puzzled, they said, "You don't speak like you are from around here. You don't have THE ACCENT." You know, the one from Rocky? YO! ADRIENNE! I never realized I hadn't.

Sorry to hijack. Just had to share...

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Domestic Goddess

Thanks so much for making me smile today. You are the kind of couple I aspire to emulate. Still hoping to meet the othe half of said couple & the ONE definately involves being man enough, sweet enough to buy tampons.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMari

My husband used to have no problem picking up my feminine hygiene products. But now I'm on a pill that keeps me from having periods and I LOVE it! That's now not pregnant I want to be. . .I don't even have periods. Plus, I don't have the crazy PMS and migraines.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjeneria

I still have am a problem having Dominic get those...I don't know why but I still do!

I am so happy that you guys are trying for another one....you make such beautiful babies. Hope we get to meet V before you have another tho.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShelly

Hi Monica. I've been reading your blog for years and wanted to let you know what joy it brings me.
Keep on, keepin on :)

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany Valentine

I bet you can, I bet you can, I bet you can, I bet you can.

How's that for a pregnancy train?

Violet will be the best big sister, I just bet.

Hope it's a girl, so you can recycle the clothes, and there's just nothing like having a sister.

Good luck with the whole hand holding process.

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

i understand the feeling.
i've been trying to get pregnant for 3 years...
fertilityfriend.com is good site for tracking. but you probably don't need it!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlena

Noooooo! You can't do this to my ovaries! I thought I just got over this baby-craving, time's a-wastin', internal clock thingie! I'm DOOMED!

Best of luck!

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIDmayday

Serge is a hero and God Bless him for getting you tampons. I don't blame you for wanting another baby, I think most of us women want BABIES.....or at least one! With Violet getting bigger and stuff, it's sure to pull at your heartstrings wanting another little one. It will happen when it's supposed to! I'm glad to hear you two are "gettin' cozy" again, though, that's always a great thing! Sex is so necessary and wonderful in a marriage (or ANY long-term committed relationship, not must marriage) and so anytime a couple has more of that--even if they're trying to making a baby in the process--all I have to say is AWESOME! I like the way you put it, "holding hands when we nap, and stuff." LOL! You're too funny and I sincerely appreciate the laugh! The ONLY thing I would encourage you to think about is how much another child will cost--I know you're REALLY into your money makeover thing, and I applaud that, having a baby and raising another child--obviously, costs A LOT more money. If you're wiling to do that, than go right ahead! I'm not saying this to discourage you, I think kids are worth EVERY cent--but I'm just saying that you moved in with your mom to save money, another baby might back track that plan. HOWEVER, please go with what your heart desires. You are already a terrific mother and the love you have for Violet, and the ways in which you've grown since having her, they've been wonderful to watch! I've enjoyed following your journey into motherhood, and I'd enjoy it the second time around! Violet would be a great big sister and the three of you would probably feel more like a family! So, I say, go for it--just think about. And in the mean time, please for the love of God, ENJOY all the sex you're having! I mean, isn't MAKING the baby one of the best parts of life? Just sayin'! Have fun and take care of yourself--thanks for your honesty and letting us travel along the journey with you!

Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz :)

March 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Lizu

I agree, why would you try to have another kid when you moved in with your Mom? Of course you know it's going to cost more, etc and I know it's worth it- but you can't even (or choose not to) have your own home.

March 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBritney

Hey Momica, Guess what? ( besides chicken butt)~ I wish for you as many children as you can bear. You and S have already proven you can so be at peace!

Material things you can always have/work for. Your children will thank you for taking your childbearing years seriously! BE well and stay happy!

Gina (the Barreness)

March 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Get an HSG test to make sure everything is clear and good to go! We tried for 9 months and didn't get pregnant, if I had an HSG they would have seen the polyps in my uterus. I had them removed, and now pregnant as can be.

March 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

Britney, we didn't move in with my mom because we had to or because we can't afford a home. We CHOSE to move in to save money. We're saving around $1,500 a month living with her. Choosing to save as much money as possible doesn't mean we can't afford to have a child, in fact, it better enables us to have a child. Moving in with my mom was a decision we made that's part of a larger, long term plan and having another child is part of that plan.

March 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl Who

Best of luck to you... you will never regret having another child, you will regret not doing so.
If my exhusband had been even one ounce of a good man i would have certainly had another baby.
I am all for single-motherhood, of course we can do it, but i´m glad i´m facing it with only one child.
So go ahead and keep on holding hands... you could maybe cop a feel!!

March 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAimee

i just wish i could have another baby. we always said just one from the beginning but of course now my damn heartstrings have gone and betrayed me and are pulling for another one. unfortunately, my husband can't be convinced otherwise. i wish you all the best, though, monica. sounds like you have been smart and made all the right moves (literally) for the future. ps - love the family photo above!

March 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchristine

You absolutely did the right thing moving in with your mom. This is the time to save, and interest rates are only going to go lower, so by the time you are ready to buy you guys are going to get the BEST deal! IT's an exciting time, getting out of debt and saving up. You don't have that much debt to begin with and the day you pay that last payment is it's right up there with...well it's right up there.

I am doing the same thing.

March 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

A guy who will buy you maxipads, and the RIGHT ones, is a keeper! Definately a test every guy has to pass!

March 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Britney, what the heck? You realize fertility is limited, right? Most women will begin to have trouble by their late 30s. So Monica is absolutely wise to avoid that and have another baby now - there will be plenty of time to move into another home later. Talk about doing things backwards - to me that would be prioritizing a big new house and then realizing oops, it's empty. Who wants that!?

March 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia

I am honestly and sincerely jealous. I want so badly to be at the point in my/our life/lives so that we could try for babies. Unfortunately we're not there yet. Nonetheless, I wish you luck! (let me know how big Violet's head is!)

March 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA-C

Dearest Monica,

If you have your second child before I am pregnant with my first (I am 5 years older than you, so thanks much for your remarks about how OLD and likely shriveled up YOUR lady parts are) then I am going to reach through my brand new computer screen and punch you in your naturally beautiful face. Much love.

March 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLo

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>