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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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« How Does She Not Puke? | Main | Newsletter: Month Fifteen »
Friday
Apr232010

Strike Four

Aw, hell. The GOTDAMN crimson tide arriveth. And I ain't talking about a football team or a movie starring Denzel Washington.

That's strike four for anyone keeping count. Not that I'm keeping count. Okay, I'm keeping count.

Totally bummed. Is this what I get for publicly announcing I'd like another child? Is this bad juju thing the real deal? Should I say nothing and pretend like I don't care when I want another baby so badly I can smell the baby powder? Well, that could be because I'm still changing diapers... and can I say the poops of a fifteen month old, SO different than the poops of a tiny baby. Eeesh.

So yeah. Is this jinxing thing for real? Do I have to keep my journey silent to trick fate into hooking a sister up with a baby? I understand why others may choose to keep their pregnancies secret until month three, I do. But it's not my way.

On the bright side, I can drink a gallon of wine when I get home, eat an entire pizza and retire to the bathroom to give birth to a "baby" of another sort.

Wondering about your stories of getting it on, because duh, who doesn't want to hear about you getting it on? Me! So, how long did it take you to get pregnant?

Reader Comments (41)

Ok so clearly I've never been pregnant nor have I have tried. But I must say to you how very odd albeit spectacular to have been witness to you and Serge in Brooklyn and you just being the girl who walked across the Brooklyn Bridge with those other two; to this. This person who has an adorable kid, lives in Utah and is trying for another. It's crazy, dude, this whole 'life' thing.

Good luck. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B.

Aw man, that sucks. Been there, done that, HATED IT. Sorry it didn't stick.

We tried for a month, got the two-lines immediately, then miscarried at 8ish weeks. The next four months before I got pregnant again (with Wombat) were TORTURE because, no matter how hard I tried to stop the crazy from creeping in, the crazy came right on in anyway, and with big stomping boots and charts and graphs and thermometers, the whole shebang.

And the month it did work? Was the month we were "taking a break," the month I said "Don't touch me because I don't want a December baby." And isn't that just how things work?

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteragirlandaboy

No conception stories of my own to share yet. Those are a few years down the road for me. But I am sending you good wishes for another child for you and Serge and a sibling for Violet.

I know it took my mom and dad at least a few years to conceive. Mom miscarried a few times, then she and Dad got a two-for-one deal with my twin and I.

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

This Saturday night is the NASCAR Richmond night race on TV. Meet me by the flat screen around 5pm Mountain Standard.

A little wine, some hot wings: I'll put a new person in ya, no problem.

Git-r-done,

Serge

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSerge

It took 2 whole years for us to get preggo, again! I had slowly begun to accept the fact that we may only have one child! Since I couldn't get pregnant, I stopped charting, and planning and instead joined a gym. Started working out with a trainer and doing yoga. 3 months in to the deal, I was the most fit I'd ever been, and I found out I was pregnant!

Hang in there, everyone says it happens when you least expect it, and it does! I lived it!

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCyndy

It worked for us the first month...both times. The wine we drank first gets all the credit.

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAli

We got knocked up super fast the first time, but the second time around it took almost a year. Its not good when sex starts becoming stressful! Good luck, and remember to have fun :)

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I just have to say, Serge's comment made me laugh out loud! You guys are so funny.

Don't worry Monica. Before you know it you'll be 7 and a half months pregnant writing about heartburn and all that fun stuff, and thinking back upon this time with a smile. :)

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

Happened immediately for the first and when he was 1 we decided to try again and were pregnant that month. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and it took us another 4 months to get pregnant again. Now we are working on #3 and are working on month 4 without any luck so far. I think I jinxed myself by buying an adorable maternity summer dress which will be of no use to me now unless I want to wear it in December. God luck and try to enjoy the process ; )

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterandrea

Hey Monica. I love your blog and I love you internet friend.
My husband and I spent 8 successful years relying on the old withdraw method before deciding to actively start TTC. We decided it was time because he's 11 years older than me and that means he's old(er) and he didn't want to be completely geriatric with a newborn. We got preggo the first month-haha poor guy, he thought it was going to take longer than that and was looking forward to all the sex-anyway once our son was born there was no way I was going expend energy getting off when I could be sleeping. Priorities of motherhood. 14 months after the boy was born, one day out of the blue I woke up Horny as Fuck, so that's just what we did-one time after a 5 month dry spell...9 months later our second son was born. I have 4 children now...and I promise I could probably count the number of times we had sex since that first little one was born. Every time I get horny I get pregnant...you'd think I would learn but no. The last one was conceived when again I was just minding my own business, watching tv upstairs while my husband was watching tv downstairs, and I felt myself get, well...lubricated and very attracted to the thought of sharing this sudden opportunity with him. I literally thought to myself 'I can't let all this go to waste' haha His exact words after we were done were "oops. I hope I pulled out in time" Ummm yeah. Fortunately she's extremely cute and sweet so she turned out to be a wonderful surprise. It'll happen when your body's ready for it. xo

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen W.

First time - first month.
Second time - - five months. Enormously frustrating! I know exactly how you're feeling. We started to think there was something wrong. But when I got pregnant, I knew it right away.
I know it's frustrating and stressful, but it WILL happen. Keep thinking positive! And enjoy being a 3-person family while you still are. I now look at mommies out shopping with a toddler and am envious of such luxury. :)

April 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

Around 18 months for me, now preggers with bub no 1! I often wondered what was wrong and wished that it would happen sooner, but now I realise it happened just at the right time. Keep the faith (meant in a Bon Jovi way). x

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNicola

Hi Monica,

When we vaguely decided we would start trying I tried to prepare myself for the fact that it may take me a while to conceive because my periods had become really irregular over the past months. However I was so lucky, got pregnant at the very first attempt, and I am 4 months+ at the moment!

It happened totally randomly without even looking at which days I was ovulating or doing anything special. Thank goodness because otherwise I would have started worrying (I had a false negative pregnancy test and I was devastated for a week, so I do understand how you feel)

So I can't talk from personal experienced but I know most friends have taken a few months and it is perfectly normal to take 6 months at least...even up to 1 year.

In your case you know you can conceive so you have nothing to worry about, my advice is just relax! Try not to be so obsessed, just have sex when you fancy it (2-3 times a week should be plenty, no need to wake Serge up every night in the middle of the night to perform a "duty").

Just think to yourself there is no hurry, if it happens it happens and if not you know it will be soon.

Good luck! x P

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterP

Hey Hun

Don't despair. I've been doing a lot of research for my book and interviewed fertility specialists etc and they all said it takes 6 months - even for the healthiest, most fertile people. There is only a 15% - 20% chance of getting preggers each month, so don't fret. Just relax and enjoy. It will happen. The more you stress the harder it can make it.

My stories - both times I got pregnant very quickly - but only because I am militant and once I want to do something I go all out - acupuncture, and weeing on ovulation predictor kits. As soon as I got the smiley face my poor Husband was devoured. I really recommend these kits - mine was by Clear Blue - an electronic one - as it just helped me know for sure my most fertile time. My acupuncture woman said - wee on them morning and evening - as sometimes we can ovulate in 12 hours (during the night) and miss it. Once you get a smiley face to say you are ovulating - have sex, but test again the next day - if you still have a smiley face - continue shagging. Once you get a O - i.e. no smiley face, then you know you have ovulated and can stop the baby dancing activities. (or whatever the USA equivalent is with these kind of tests). It worked both times for me in the first month of trying...

I wish you loads of luck. It WILL happen Hun.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCrummyMummy

it took us 3 years, and we eventually did in-vitro and now i'm pregnant. it was the most heartbreaking thing i've ever been through... not knowing it it was ever possible. like a poster said before, the chances are only 12-15% each month, so if things don't line up just right it can take time even for very fertile couples. also drinking alcohol does lower the chances of conception-– a lot! (of course alcohol is the cause of many pregnancies too!)

http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/cindy-bailey/2010/04/08/fertility-diet-no-alcohol-no-exceptions

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlc

I totally hear you....our daughter is 2 and she was a very happy accident. My husband was working 2 jobs and so was I...we had one night off together and bam...pregnant. Now that we are trying for #2 we've been at it for about 3 months now and no success. I SHOULD know by the end of the week what this months results are. We tried the ovulation test kit...I think a lot of people consider that a little OCD but I feel like on top of the fact it helped figure out what to do...I learned a lot about myself and how my body works. I would totally recommend it.

Good luck!

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

Most people I know get preggers the minute they give up and stop trying. Something about being relaxed makes the sperm a little friskier and the egg more voluptuous.

I even worked with a woman who went through IVF (2 cycles) after years of no luck and as soon as they accepted they would never have kids--BAM! She had two little boys about 11 months apart.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjeneria

It took us 5 or 6 months after I went off birth control, which I'd been on for 16 years. Have you read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility? Not everyone ovulates on the 14th day. For some women it's the 11th day, some the 16th. Taking your temperature each morning is a bitch but the book also teaches you to recognize cervical changes so you'll know when you're likely to ovulate. After reading TCOYF I was really pissed that I wasn't taught this stuff in health class growing up. Our bodies aren't such mysteries.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterskinnythighs

also, a pack of ovulation and pregnancy strips from babyhopes (dot) com is a helluva lot cheaper than any of the plastic-bound contraptions you can buy at the drugstore.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkiki dogwood

I am one of those weird people who knows EXACTLY when I ovulate. Cramping, egg white mucus (I know, TMI) and I also am one of those weird people who ovulates on day 17. Once I figured all that out I was able to nail down conception pretty quickly. No pun intended. So you might do a month of ovulation tests and just see what your numbers are. Good luck!

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna Marie

Haven't read the comments so pardon repetition... remember that it's all about sex BEFORE ovulation. Even day of ovulation is generally too late...before, before, before! You may ovulate earlier than you think. I ovulate around day 9 to 11 - and I have cycles up to 30 days in length.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia

Couldn't believe it when I saw the topic of this blog. My daughter is 1 month younger than yours and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant again the last couple of months with no success. I have tried to be all 'whenever it happens is fine, not going to obsess about it' but here I am stressing! Everytime my cycle starts I get depressed and calculate out what my new due date will be if I get pregnant thus next time! I think I'm going to break down and buy an ovulation test.

I must point out that I am blaming my mother-in-law for why I'm not pregnant now. She gave the whole family food poisoning so my day of highest ovulation was spent yaking all day instead of gettin' it on!!

Good luck and have faith! It'll happen and when it does I'll enjoy reading your blog because hopefully I'll be right there with you!

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

I just need to admit you both sounds so funny in this post :) and as far as we try, first time, we came with goal :) in one month, so now I'm sick all day long, still fingers crossed for you, have fun and relax I think it's the best we can all say :)

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranajo

I don't mean to be discouraging, but I want to give you a little reality check. I am 32, healthy, and have been trying to conceive #1 for about 20 months now with no luck. (Well, except for one early miscarriage a couple months ago.) That even includes 6 rounds of fertility treatments. I've spent almost two years of my life now obsessing over whether or not I am pregnant. It's draining and heartbreaking. I know it's still hard for you, but trying for four months is not long at all. Keep trying, and I bet it'll happen soon. Each unsuccessful month, try to remember how lucky you are to at least have adorable Violet. I'd just about give anything to have a little girl like her.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana

I'm pregnant with my first baby and it took us 6 cycles to conceive. Since my cycles are typically 40 days long, this translates to about 8 months. I'm completely confident that it would have taken us even longer to conceive had I not been charting my temperature and fluid AND peeing on ovulation predictor kits. I know it isn't romantic but it is effective. There is already so much chance that goes into conception. You might as well rule out the risk of bad timing.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzie

My DH and I had a year long break (literally. I moved 8 hrs away). I moved back at the beginning of April and by May 1 I was 10 days later. We only had one child. We didn't try for more.

I also popped a little grin at Serge's comment. Nascar....hehehe.

I had some neighbours that tried and tried to get pregnant. They weren't able at the time so they adopted. Just after they got David, she got pregnant with their 2nd. It was pretty cool.

Good luck:)

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Oh! And hey Monica, did you know they sell pregnancy/ovulation tests at the Dollar Tree? I know a lot of people would say that's just cheap and they wouldn't trust a dollar store test but I loved being able to buy so many just to see that that little line!! I tested on day 12 after the 'oops' and it was obviously positive. Very early and accurate results. I don't think that's cheap, that's just plain smart. Why pay $12.00 when you only have to pay $1.00?? They're not a pee on the stick kind but instead you get to pee in a cup and then use a tiny dropper to test your pee just like a scientist or doctor would! (Yes, I watch Star Trek if you're still wondering!haha) I got mine at the store in Draper by Barbacoa. 12300 S. 300 E. ~Good Luck~Have Fun~

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen W.

Almost one year of trying for that first baby....I literally stood on my head after sex just to insure gravity got those swimmers to the egg! We had just started fertility visits, so was very relieved!

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermeara

You've got to try "Preseed" (a sperm friendly lubricant). It helps the little sperm swim to where they are supposed to go. I tried to conceive for 5 months, then used this and got pregnant the 1st month with this.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

just try NOT to get pregnant using the pull out method. I'm terrified that has worked for me. I'm too scared to pee on the stick yet.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJ

Monica, good luck to you & Serge. Can't wait til we finally get the good news.

I'm commenting though - to give Dana a virtual hug. Dana, I truly believe you will get your baby. When he or she is in your arms for the first time, you will know that this journey was on purpose. In the meantime, sending you hugs and good wishes. xoxo

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKJ

Thanks, KJ, for the virtual hug. I really appreciate the kind thoughts. I hope you are right, and that both Monica and I will be holding new babies before too long.

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana

Yep, I hear ya.

Am currently on the 5th cycle of trying to conceive my first. But I managed to get pregnant in the most unlikely way many years ago and ended up having an abortion. It was stupidly easy when I didn't want it - bloody typical.

Who knew it would be this hard to get knocked up? But the statistics are right - and apparently only 60% of couples conceive within the first six months.

It will happen!

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Dee

I love you guys and sorry for your disappointment...
It took us two years and a minor surgery for Rachel. Andrew happened on the first try.
Good luck to you & enjoy the work...
C

April 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

Took my mom 16 years to get pregnant.

I'm up to five years and counting.

April 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersusan

(ps we have that same bouncer and although we haven't had to do it yet, I read that the straps are fully adjustable if you flip it upside down and adjust under the tray, so even if you've maxed out the top, you can take up the slack if you like.)

April 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkiki dogwood

The times I wasn't trying it just happened but the 2 times I actually planned it it took 4 months each time. II was told and had read that it is usually 14 days after your first day of your period when you ovulate but I did the mucus test..barf, I know...and I acutally ovulate an average of 18 days after! Maybe do this and see if it makes a difference!!! If you need info, email me. This sucks for you. My heart hurts for you. I am hoping it will happen soon for you!

April 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJaimee

Is it sort of like finding a boyfriend, how you get one when you're not paying attention and focusing on it? I don't know, otherwise, going to start trying for the 1st time, which seems against everything in my nature, in July. I hope you're all set by then, though.

April 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchristine

correction-- the bouncer is not adjustable under the tray. you can adjust it by feeding the ribbons up through the tri-pod thing overhead.

April 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkiki dogwood

@ Serge's comment--literally made me laugh out loud! So funny! I think you do need to be patient, things happen when they happen and sometimes, by consuming ourselves with what we don't want--we end up getting just that. (As in--I don't want to NOT be pregnant AGAIN this month!). Four months is really not that long and at least you're all enjoying some good sex along the way! I feel for you because I can't get pregnant myself, but on the other hand, you do have a beautiful, healthy daughter and she will have a sister/brother in due time. It WILL happen, it just may take a while--enjoy your life day to day, keep enjoying the simple things and keep having fun gettin' it on--I know it can become "chore like" after a while, but still, trying for a baby is better than a really unexpected holy shit kind of moment! Just saying! Good luck, y'all are in my prayers!

Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz :)

April 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Liz

we had our baby girl on the first try. i read that a woman's orgasm makes the cervix dip into the sperm...meet you halfway so to speak.

so, for a week and a half around ovulating, we did it every day or sometimes twice and made sure that *both* of us had a very nice time.

serge: funny. now yes, get 'er done! per above!

April 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralex

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