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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Sunday
Oct162011

The Situation

I'm in a slump for sure. Couldn't even bring myself to get on the internet this past week except to do my usual stuff for Babble and even that task took herculean effort.

It feels like I've had one family drama after another these past few months and then Serge went to Spain and I was alone with the kids for two weeks and I am just worn the fuck out. My roots are long and black and gray, my hair hasn't been trimmed since Utah and I feel fat and unhealthy.

We just got back from a two day visit with family at the seaside in New Jersey. In other words - THE JERSEY SHORE. Alas, the only "Situation" I had going was a serious lack of sleep because I was stuck in one room with both kids and a snoring husband. Still, it was nice to leap around in waves and introduce Violet and Henry to the ocean.

Depression is gnawing at my toes and I feel all written out. So listen. I'm going to write more tomorrow. Maybe you can help me out of my slump? You interested in hearing about anything in particular? What should I write about?

Reader Comments (20)

i hear ya, sista. fall is a difficult time for me and i don't even have a snoring husband.
please tell us about the best meal you've ever had.
hope you feel better soon

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRhea

Enquiring minds want to know...did you miss the fan?????

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

So, what did the three of you do whilst Serge was galavanting around Spain?

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteryotko

...a freestyle rant? I've been seeing a thing go around on tumblr where readers request a topic from a 20 item list, and so far the most popular one is number 20: a rant on any subject you feel compelled to rant about.

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHow about...

i've been meaning to ask you for some advice/insight concerning drinking. being a "single" 25 year old girl who i sometimes black out and do something ridiculous then spend the next three days feeling terrible about it. sounds familiar? it's hard not to take things that far sometime when i'm only human and only young once ya know?

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlarissa

Good Lord! Drinking black outs?!
What about more of the pluses of movie across the country? Anymore work on the house? That bar is kick-ass! You gunna get chickens?! Plant an actual garden or is the vegatation auction draw too strong for that? Henry sleeping through the night? How is your mom handling the move? dogs? I've been thinking most about your mom and how she handled it. You guys lived with her for criminy sakes! Mine was thrilled when we moved two hours closer!
Btw, I changed out the booster back to the Britax Regent today. I canned those boosters. Watching the car test dummys scared the shit out of me! I had become a slacker mom! That was an awesome article to pen. Thanks for that!

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentershannon B.

Ideas for what to write about:
1. When you were taking questions from us you said this "I need to tell you about wallpaper and The Sign From God that made me Mad As Hell but I've got a pot roast on, y'all!"... So maybe you could tell us about that?

2. What happened with that contest for the book? Did you pick a winner?

3. Have y'all thought any more about baby #3? have you looked into getting health insurance?

4. Would love to see some photos of the house... I don't think you ever posted any of the finished bathroom or Serge's 'bar' did you?

5. How many of the things have you seen or done from that list of great things that Pennsylvania has to offer list that I think Serge's brother wrote up? (I may have read that on Thunder Pie?)

6. How is Serge's book going?

7. What are Wylet & Henry up to these days. You haven't written a monthly letter to either in a while so maybe you could do that & update us on what each has been learning & doing!
------------
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed again. I know you don't want to get on medication from previous posts so maybe you need to do some things for yourself and get some pampering -- first, get your hair done (that will make you feel so much better!), then let your inlaws watch the kids and go buy a new outfit or two for yourself at some local thrift stores (if I remember right you always enjoy searching for a good deal at thrift stores) (report back with photos!) ;), then go on a date with Serge (& make going out on dates a regular occurrence!!) oh and try to eat healthier, sounds like you need to try some new recipes, seems like that is another thing you tend to enjoy-when you get into cooking. So maybe pick out some new healthy crock pot recipes to try! :-) (oh and that's another thing you could write about).

Good luck!! Hope you feel better soon!!

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSloan

morning pages: write 500 words first thing in the morning and share!

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.A.

My husband just gave me a screen door for sweetest day. Romantic. HA. No, I actually really like it, and had wanted it, but in years past he's given me some really dumb stuff for diff. occasions that left me shaking my head. Serge ever give you something off the wall that was either just horrible and left you saying "wtf were you thinking?" or just totally random that left you saying, "that's..um....sweet...."

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Having a baby and moving are two of the most stressful events in life, so don't be surprised if you feel down now... I had the same thing happening to me 9 months ago (new baby, moving and also 20 days at the hospital...) and I'm starting to get better only now. You also changed your working situation, so you sure need some time to get used to this totally new life. You seem so cool about it, but I would like to know if it's hard for you, as it is for me, to take care of 2 babies (sometimes 3, if you count husband...), the house, your job, and also yourself...
I always leave "myself" at the last place, and maybe this is the mistake I make. What about you?
We're always here, for you, if you need us! HUGS

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSerena from Italy

How about good blogs YOU read?

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTina

Maybe this is not really related to your post, but I'm a work from home mom too. I'm working full time, have 2 kids (4 yrs & 17 mos), my husband travels at least one week out of every month, fill in all the millions of things us moms do here..... I was depressed and stressed and UNHAPPY. I finally sucked it up and decided to fork out the money to have a sitter come to my house and watch the kids 5 hours a day. I always thought that I would rather take the money I would pay a sitter and put in it savings, or pay down a loan, but I don't allow myself to think about that anymore. I'm working, which is good for me, not only financially but good for my mind and body. I get a break from the kids, but I am still connected to them. They are in the house, I can hear them and I know what is going on the entire time I'm locked away in my office. When I want hugs and kisses I just walk downstairs for 5 minutes and then get back to work. Anyway, sorry for the ramble, but my point was that maybe you can have someone come just a few hours a day and watch the kiddos for you. Being a work at home parent is fantastic, but the only downside I've discovered is that you still try to do it all. I was still trying to do fun activities with the kids, get laundry done, clean the house, make meals, etc. etc. and work all at the same time. That's nuts! I'm a better mom now that I realize I'm not superwoman and can't do everything.

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

how was at the seaside anyway, please show us some photos of nice, calm and peaceful ocean, I'm with you, I need to hear or watch some ocean and not to get crazy too big hugs...

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranajo

wow, you were probably just minutes from my camp in Howell ( live with Ma and Pa until Nov 7, moving day). I had a sneaking suspicion you had gotten away for a breath of fresh air and a change of scenery. Mountain and hillsides are beautiful but we all need refreshment, don't we? When it's due and you are coming down the mountains, well, you can't beat the ocean side for a complete change of venue. So.... where WERE you? Can you say? PS. I was actually going to take my mom up to Pa for the Autumn splendor...but had a wedding to attend.

Idea: I LOVE anything you write or pics and video of the children, dogs, landscape, music...anything. Oh...the bathroom and home renovations or if you are hitting up any yardsales...funky stuff, folks or any local photography. I enjoyed the interview you were doing years back with that guy from Brooklyn. Let's see that bathroom! okay? I agree. Suggestions: Do the hair ( I go with a cheap root kit in a dark blond shade, and start running down the street and singing loudly around the house. Get some dark chocolate. Drink tons of water. Play your favorite music. Learn to play the guitar or paint or something.....get yourself some flowers. Steam some veggies....open all of the windows...uh. That's all I can think of right now. Smell the flowers.

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Buy a "sunlight" full spectrum lamp for your office. Seriously, do it, even if you think you have plenty of natural sunlight. Also, buy two boxes of good hair dye. You don't realize how much your hair affects your mood until you fix it.

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStarsky

Hey Lady! One of the many things about your blog that I LOVE is that it doesnt matter what you write about I can relate. Happy or Sad, Ridiculous or Serious I can relate...I think your writing effects (affects??) a lot of people that way...I love when I come to your website and there is a new post but I would never want to feel like I "we" guilted you into a post. Write about anything you want and if you dont want to dont write...the urge to write will come back if it is not there now...and family stuff SUCKS...But for real if you want a post idea maybe do a little paragraph on effect vs. affect...I feel like a total dunce but I never know which word is appropriate to use and when...i have looked up both words and no matter what the situation I can always make "effect" work...please help a sister out :)

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I wanna hear about the great wedding ring (or lack of one) debate. Last we heard, you opted not to get one even though Serge wanted to get you one.

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCMW

How about how to get to sleep at night when you've shared your bed with the same man for the past 5 years, are used to listening to his Darth Vader breathing and nudging him awake about 30 times a night, and he has a body so warm that when he's in it all you need is a sheet but when he's not you must use the super-duty down comforter...and ever since day one you have spent 90% of your nights constantly touching, even in the deepest sleep...and now it's all gone because he is gone because I called it off and dammit it's been two nights and I CAN'T SLEEP!! And I desperately need my sleep: I work two jobs, go to school full-time, have two kids. Any ideas?
P.S. I can't use a fan because that's what I used to cover up his snore/breathing when I had enough compassion not to wake him up every few minutes. :)
Or maybe a post about how to deal with heartbreak in general. Maybe you've already covered that; I've been reading you for less than a year. But I could really use some tips on how to keep it together in the middle of the night. I'm busy enough during the day that I'm okay, but the nights are torture. So if you have any experience with that, I'm all ears.

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAM

Dogs.

October 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjls

Something I have wanted to ask for a while (sorry you might think its too personal) did you decide which order to pay off your's and Srges car and college loans. You had a whole plan a while ago to become as debt free as possible and were unsure which to pay off first, and I was so jealous. :) Is Serge back with the band full time.
Where in the world would you go to first in a you can go anywhere in the world fantasy. (I want to go to Papua New Guinea, the husband is not as enthusiastic, strangely.)

October 19, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersaz

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