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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Monday
May302011

Because He Said I Wouldn't

Serge is rarely nostalgic. If ever. Truly. He doesn't look back fondly on time gone by, hell, he doesn't even look back. He ain't the reminiscing sort. I, on the other hand, have had a hard time letting certain friends go even when they had long since moved on from me. I am getting better, especially under the influence of He Who Is Never Nostalgic. But, used to be I would long for days gone by and the friends that belonged to those days, mourning their non-existence in my life as if they had actually died. Because really they had. I don't see Andy Tanner. I don't talk to him. He may as well be dead because he doesn't exist in my life. But he had such a hold on me in junior high and even high school, that it was hard to let go even though he had let go of me years before I was ready to let him go.

A couple weeks ago an ex-boyfriend "friended" me on Facebook. Oh Facebook, instigator of all sorts of reunions between exes and old friends, many unwanted. This particular reunion wasn't unwanted. It was a surprise, but not unwanted. The ex in question has been written about on this blog before. Here and here and a few other places. Our relationship ended abruptly and badly. We lived together for about a year, we were young, crazy, stupid. Read the posts, you'll get the drift.

Mind you, this was years before I met Serge. And when I did meet Serge and discovered he had several unresolved issues with an ex-girlfriend I encouraged him to meet up with her to talk - an important point considering what I'm about to tell you. He didn't really want to and never did. Like I said, the boy ain't the nostalgic type. Once he's done, he is done.

Anyway, my ex "friended" me, I accepted and we kind of made peace with each other after our turbulent past. As much as you can make peace through clipped Facebook messages, anyway. We were young and stupid and it was nice to connect as adults, without the drama that always seemed overtake our communications a decade ago.

It made me happy to reach across the years and virtually shake hands, if you will, with an important part of my past, someone I had truly enjoyed as a friend, first and foremost. He is a local reporter and we met at the news station we worked at together, so we were friends before we began dating. Until we exchanged a few Facebook messages I hadn't realized how much it truly bothered me that our years of knowing each other had ended so badly, even if I was the one who ended things.

After all the ill will and weirdness of the past decade - we have continued to work in the same industry and know the same people - I decided I wanted to meet up with him for coffee or drinks to officially bury the monkey that had my back in its clutches lo these many years. I mean, we're moving in a couple weeks and, in all likelihood, I'll never see the ex again.

I ran the idea by Serge who was typically nonchalant about it all. But, as I expected, when I actually informed Serge I'd be meeting up with the ex this Friday for a drink and a chat, a jealous streak emerged. I'm not going to lie, it kind of thrills me a bit when Serge gets jealous. You married folks know, things can get a little ho-hum when you're working on year seven of marital life and two kids take up most of your energy. Having Serge exhibit a jealous streak, albeit a slight one, is a bit exciting, makes me feel like we're dating again. All young and sexy and desired, when in fact, I have saggy postpartum boobs, flabby mom ass and stretch marks to there.

Dude, we are adults, Adults meet all the time, it's okay, I told Serge. Ultimately I respect your feelings and if you really don't want me to go, I won't. But if you wanted to meet up with one of your exes (both of whom things ended horribly with) I would encourage it. It's not a sexual thing, it's connecting with someone important from your past. It's nice. It can be a good thing, I told him. We're not meeting to have sex for godsakes! It's an aboveboard conversation to catch up on the past decade of each others' lives and put to rest the shitty way it ended and all the residual bad feelings.

He Who Has No Nostalgia disagrees, even though he once wrote about an ex on this very blog and she left a comment and I encouraged him to email her to catch up - which he did! Anyway, a spirited debate took place and finally, I told Serge I'd ask you guys what you think because, well, you guys always seem to be wise about these sorts of things when I can't really see the forest for the trees.

Good, Serge said. Ask 'em! I will! I said. And then I thought about it and I felt like writing about it here would be making a bigger deal about it than the situation warranted and the ex may read the blog and that would be super weird so today I told Serge I decided not to write about it. That's because you know everyone will side with me, Serge said. They will give you The Business and that's not what you want to hear! Nuh-uh! I fired back. They're adults, not junior high schoolers. They'll realize adults can meet and be appropriate and nothing weird is going on and everyone is being honest and they'll realize the benefit of my having a nice grown-up conversation with someone I consider to be an old friend. I don't want to write about it because it would make everything weird and, like I said, a bigger deal than it should be.

So there you go. Now it's a bigger deal than it should be. Can open. Worms everywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if the ex reads this and decides I'm super creepy after all and this very post kicks off another decade of bad vibes. Sigh.

What say you? Sharing a drink with an old flame: no big deal, we're all grown-ups here or absolutely not, totally inappropriate?

Reader Comments (70)

I don't think it's inappropriate, but what matters is what Serge thinks...I'd be careful about letting the internet make this decision for you.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterrachelgab

I think it's cool, and fine to do. I have caught up with past boyfriends, and also told others that I would prefer not to! Even though I'm voting against Serge, tell him I love him (in a blog reader way) anyway--

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

It's a danger zone, for sure, but not always a bad idea. Sometimes it makes sense, and I think that the overlapping work worlds weighs on the side of you being buds with the ex. But you would know best if meeting for a drink would be about catching up and being buds, or would instead be about either of you flirting for fun, wanting to deal with old relationship issues rather than catching up as friends would, or generally wanting to feel like the other one wants you. I'm with Serge if it's about the latter, but if it is just being buds, then I'm with you.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I don't really see a way for this to end well...if you go, he'll be irritated and frustrated and feel like you dismissed his feelings. If you don't go, you'll feel resentful and restricted. And, if you get a bunch of comments lambasting either you and/or Serge, you'll both wind up feeling cranky.

So, I'll say this. If you go, plan on having Serge pick you up. He should walk in at the appropriate time, and you should glance at him in the doorway and beam in his direction, then graciously tell your ex: "Oh, my husband is here, let me introduce you two before I go." They can shake hands in that gripping macho fashion, and then you can go whisking away with a "The past is the past, this is my present" farewell smile. The End.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhmmm

While going to meet an ex in order to chat and catch up might not seem like a big deal, it can be. In fact, if you were to go and chat with every person who ended up in a rekindled affair with an ex via Facebook, I can virtually guarantee that an overwhelming majority of them would have to admit that they too thought it was "no big deal" and/or it was "just coffee!" Most affairs begin with an emotional connection and they're much harder to recover from.

I'm not saying that your coffee date would automatically lead to an emotional affair, just that lots of coffee dates do. Frankly, the real question is this: why would you want to do something that obviously makes Serge uncomfortable anyway?

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

I wouldn't have any interest in meeting up with any of my exes, but in any case my general rule for things like this is, if it upset or is likely to upset my partner, I won't do it. I wouldn't want him catching up with any of his exes either...

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNicola

bleagh. After reading those entries about him I'm more concerned about the fact that you want to have any contact with him at all. Maybe just have some catching up time through facebook rather than meeting. No need to poke at any marital strain right now.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterevanderz

I think you should go...I would go out of curiosity anyway. Besides, you're moving away - It's a one off.

I guess it's important to consider how you would feel if the situation was reversed and if you're totally cool with that then go ahead.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbadger

No big deal. But I also think that after you'll meet him, you will think: "Why did I meet him again, our lives are so different now, I love Serge, I've 2 children, there's no need to bring back an ex into my life".
But if you feel the need to do it, do it, it will help you to better understand why you choose your husband, and why he is the man that you love the most.
And Serge, really don't worry, she loves you a lot, and this won't change anything in her love for you... Sometimes women need to re-elaborate the past, is a female thing, but has nothing to do with sex or being attracted by another man, even if he comes from the past.
But please don't argue for this, it's really no big deal.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSerena from Italy

It's totally no big thing unless you have unresolved romantic feelings for the guy and you're not being honest about it. If you are being honest, then no big deal. It's nice to know people years later and see them as human beings, not a guy on a pedestal we were in love with or a shitty human being who broke our heart. Etc...

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSvasti

What? You are asking this of the gal who is still friends with her only "serious" ex? My husband could care less that I remain friends with the "other" guy. (We have been married 11 years.) However, if he did care, I would no longer keep up the friendship because, obviously, look who I married. Hint, it wasn't the ex. :o)

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim Q

Funny you should bring this up because my brother-in-law's wife met up with an ex back in November. Just for coffee, she said. It turned into a four month affair where she was giving the guy money and buying him clothes and cell phones and sleeping with him.

Not saying that's what's going to happen at all with you, but it's just weird because their liaison started out with Facebook friending, then IMing, then PMing, then phone calls, and then the inevitable meetup.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjeneria

For me, I wouldn't go. Not because we have any rules about exes but I just wouldn't be interested You have to do what's right right for you and Serge, but I can't see how meeting up with someone from the past will resolve your overall feelings about it. I don't really think your desire to meet up with the ex is about him or the relationship....it seems more about you and how yourself reconcile to the past.

I don't really get the feeling Serge is the controlling, jealous husband type who would worry you'll cheat. But if things are strained, perhaps now isn't the best time for a meeting. What about writing a message on FB to the ex that contains a few words about how badly you feel about the way the relationship ended, some catch up info and some well-wishing for him? That might help put things in the past for you. Whatever you decide, best of luck!

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I always say, they are exes for a reason. Life is about moving forward. Meeting up with an ex would be moving backward...you have nothing to fix with him, no obligations to mend the friendship. If you wanted to mend the relationship, or friendship, you should have done that ten years ago...before things ended between the two of you. I dont talk to any of my exes. Sometimes, I think about them, what they are doing....secretly jealous if they are further ahead than I am. Call me catty, but I deny all friend requests and when they comment after I have on a friends page...i delete my comment. I dont associate with them at all. There is no way to be friends casually after a relationship ends...you tend to remember the good times and forget why it ended in the first place.........because you are two different people. Dont do it. Its a bad idea. I wouldnt want to make your husband feel insecure for any reason, its just mean. And its not like he is forcing you to not go...but why would you want to? Is he offering some sort of kinship you arent getting at home? Work on that first, getting what you desire from your husband, not a stranger that you used to know.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

I think it's dangerous ground. It seems really weird to be giving you such personal advice when I don't really know you, but here goes: you are in a bit of an emotional state right now, according to a couple of posts ago. Things have been better in your marriage. That is asking for trouble, even if you don't think it's asking for trouble. You could go with the best of intentions and have old feelings bubble up and then what? Then, on top of everything else in your life right now, romantic feeling for an ex? UGH. I mean, I know you are going with fine intentions, I would just be worried for you. But I worry so much that I often have to schedule time to worry about specific things. Such is the danger of taking any advice from the internet. :) Good luck.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

I love hmmm coment!

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShelly

I don't think its much of a deal at all yet I probably just wouldn't do it simply because its not worth any hurt feelings with Serge. I am a very nostalgic person with almost anything but when it comes to relationships I think its different... you have to leave that in the past. Not that you can't be friends, but the one ex I am still friends with I have made a huge effort to be open and polite to his current wife and we NEVER discuss "us" or our past... I wouldn't want my husband discussing old feelings with an ex, so I avoid it also.

All that being said, this is between you and Serge and only you and Serge. I don't see either of you as people to truly let your commenters decide on something for you, but just in case you are letting this small small issue snowball like everyone does sometimes, just remember that NO ONE knows what is right for you and your marriage except for the two people in it. You two will figure out what is best for you ... Good Luck!

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMeg W

I agree with rachelgab...you've gotta live with the man!

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNina

I don't think it's a big deal, but my fiance does. We've even had a number of hypothetical conversations about it (the situations were hypothetical; not the conversations). I am of the firm belief that as long as everything is clear and open with your partner, it should be fine. If anything starts to make you uncomfortable (or think for a moment that you wouldn't tell Serge), leave. A good compromise could be that you first meet up with him WITH Serge; that way, you can show you're not interested romantically, you can do basic, friendly catch-up, and Serge can be overly affectionate with you in public.

That being said, I think one of the previous posters has a point - if you're at a hard part of your marriage right now, it may be best to avoid rocking the marital boat. Also, are you sure you're not meeting him BECAUSE you're at a hard part of your marriage? If the answer is absolutely not, then good, but if it gives you pause, maybe you should rethink the whole thing.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth in Chicago

yeah, i wouldn't do the whole meet-up thing with an ex. i don't really see the point. perhaps there are solid and logical reasons why you feel compelled to have this drink date, but i'm with serge. it just borders on the inappropriate and unnecessary.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercbeckham

I agree with you that it's not a big deal...just coffee...we are all adults etc etc.
What is a big deal is that it bothers your husband. The guy you have 2 beautiful children with and that you promised to spend the rest of your life with. I don't think meeting up with an ex is important enough to upset the man you love.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

I think people are reading a lot into this one - I think it's beneficial to end things on a positive note. If you're thinking about this so many years down the road and one little meet-up for coffee with a now-friend can resolve things and turn a negative into a positive, then it's better than someone harbouring resentment, etc. for years to come. And, like you said, you're moving far, far away, so Serge really shouldn't have anything to worry about in terms of this turning into a regular thing. But I do agree with hmmm - go but have Serge pick you up. That way, there are no doubts on either side if it comes down to trust issues. (And Serge can find something about the guy to tease you about once you're laughing about all of this later)...

Personally, I would have no desire to meet up with an ex, particularly one whose relationship with me ended badly. But I'm like Serge. I don't pine over things in the past. I don't even have a Facebook account because I have no desire to connect with people from my past (and the people in my present already have my email address). But my husband is like you. He's on Facebook. He's friends with old girlfriends, even ones from high school/crushes from grade school. He's even FB-friends with his old girlfriend from college who he lived with for years and who after we started dating asked him to donate his sperm so she could have a child! (He said no, at my urging/threat to break off our relationship if he did.) Anywho, I wouldn't have a problem with him meeting up with her to catch up on old times, provided I knew about it and the meeting was a brief one-off. I trust him. But that's me. If I did have a problem with it, I would expect my husband to respect me enough not to meet up with an ex. But what my husband, I or anyone else would do is irrelevant. You and Serge are the only two people whose opinions/feelings matter.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill

Since Serge has weighed in and clearly is uncomfortable with the idea- I suggest that you pass the ex by and not go. How can 1 hour or so of casual catching up with someone who was important to you a decade ago be more important to the man in your every day life? It isn't, you know it, he knows it- it's just doesn't compare in value. I get what you are saying about it being an adult situation, no dishonesty or old flames to fan- but really, what is the point?

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterali

Hate to side with Serge on this one, but I have to. I think those are dangerous grounds to tread no matter how innocent it may seem.

I say who cares? He's an ex for a reason - they all are. If he wasn't meant to be an ex, he wouldn't be. See him, have coffee, have drinks, even give him a hug hello and goodbye. WHO CARES? I've never understood this dilemma. Serge needs to put on his big boy pants and deal. To me, discomfort indicates distrust... and I certainly think that's not the case, so he needs to just suck up the jealously and live with it.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCandice

It sounds innocent enough, but if Serge isn't on board I say blow it off...it's not worth it. I probably wouldn't do drinks either. Ex-boyfriends and alcohol don't mix well. If you're still going to get together maybe do just coffee? Or plan your get-together w/ a group of old, mutual friends and include Serge.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChrissyD

I don't personally think it's a big deal. And if it helps you resolve lingering bad feelings then I would see a point. But where you're moving away and will probably never have a reason to interact with him again, I don't know that I see the point.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDI

I agree that it's sexy for Serge to act suddenly jealous. I vote to parlay that sentiment that into some hot bedroom activity at home and leave the ex in the past.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I agree with Candice except for one tiny difference...

He's and ex and they are for a reason so WHO CARES? Why go see him?!

If it's super important to you then go meet him as 2 adult couples - you and Serge and Andy and his significant other. If it's too uncomfortable, weird, not as fun, etc... to meet with significant others, do not do it at all.

In my opinion, even the Facebook friends thing is playing with fire even if it seems like child's play now. I have several couple friends that are dealing with the aftermath of "just being friends" on Facebook. One of whom may be divorcing after nearly 3 decades of marriage.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGreenInOC

I agree that adults can be adults and all that without it having to be sexual at all. But if Serge is against it, I say it's just not worth it. If he wanted to do something that made you feel uncomfortable, even if he thought you were being silly or irrational, you'd want him to be on your side. To me, it's as simple as that.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I think you're stirring a pot that should just be left alone. In this case trying to make a mends from past events can only jeopardize your future. It's your decision but I say respect your husbands feelings. You have a beautiful family...that's nothing to take for granted. Most "Adults" see danger written all over this if you choose to proceed.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterangieg

I think its fine to have an innocent lunch/drink with an ex as long as you're well-removed from the relationship. As in, it wouldn't be okay if you were 6 months out from the break-up. But a decade? Pshh.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

If it's no big deal to you, why is it so hard to let the meet-up go since it is a big deal to Serge? I can understand you being curious and wanting to meet up for coffee, but if your guy is uncomfortable about it, just don't do it. No biggie, right?!

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

I am and always will be of the Totally Okay crowd.

My husband's ex babysits our kid and regularly hangs with him at Starbucks. So, obviously.

Part of it, though, comes from a TERRIBLE experience I had with a dear, dear friend whom I'd briefly dated. His wife cut me out of his life completely and it still hurts me deeply. I don't understand that kind of jealousy at all and that experience taught me that. People said I'd change my mind when I got married. I didn't. This is how I am.

As for my husband, he really doesn't like to hear about it. So I may tell him something is taking place (I haven't had to, but I would) but I tend to avoid details.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Very thoughtful advice from everyone.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

It really doesn't matter what strangers on the internet think (says the internet stranger!). It's not about which one of you is objectively "right" or "wrong" about this -- it's about being respectful of your marriage and your partner's feelings. Since Serge isn't cool with it, that should be respected. Plus, like others have pointed out, why introduce a new topic to argue about into an already-strained marriage? Meeting up with exes is indeed a slippery slope. You admit that you have a hard time letting things go. Since you are moving and might not ever see him again, why not take this opportunity to find real closure with the situation? Closure is something one has to find internally; seeking closure by seeing the ex won't probably will not give you the closure you want, and definitely isn't worth a) the fight with your husband and b) the risk that feelings would be rekindled/re-drudged up. But if you absolutely MUST see him, examine why. And if you still feel like it's a good idea in spite of all this, definitely make it over coffee rather than alcohol.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

I'm in the 'I don't see a problem, but if it makes Serge uncomfortable, just skip it,' camp. This is pretty morbid, but my own rule of thumb in situations like this has been, 'If I was sitting at my husband's deathbed, would I be glad I did this?" I hope the two of you can come to a good solution together--tension in marriage sucks!

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSara

No way. You may be able to be adult about this, have coffee, whaterever, but you're not a guy. In your ex's mind, if you're wanting to meet after all these years, there's a chance the two of you will end up in a stairwell like in Unfaithful. There's a difference in being nostalgic (breaking open that old dusty box of pictures once in awhile, reminscing about the salad days) and actually sitting across from someone who has seen you naked, etc. Don't do it.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFinally a dude

My general rule is, if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don't do it. You haven't had a relationship with this guy in how many years?, and you've been just fine. You'll still be fine without the meet-up. I've been surprised a time or two by what makes my very laid back husband uncomfortable, but, as several commenters have said, you live with HIM every day, not the ex. And it's not like he's asking you to stop doing something he's been okay with all along. If he doesn't like the idea and it's not something you're going to truly be missing out on by not doing, just skip it. I think when the laid back (-ish) husband has a strong feeling, you gotta pay attention to that.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlydia

I'm always one to go with the vibe of "how" it feels........With that said, I'd run as fast as I could the opposite direction. Leave it be.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersusan

I'm afraid I'm with the Serge on this one. I can understand an innocent facebook 'hey lets put the past behind us and to bed and all that' - but why need to meet up? To put to the bed the putting to bed? Really? Or to feed an ego with 'he still is into me - hey I still have it?' Or to feel less guilty or whatever... I get the connecting from a distance - the safety in the internet. But the meeting - it only stirs up juices of the past and they are the past for a reason. You have made your peace. Move on. you are moving away as you say - what will this drink do? Anything at all that in any could harm your marriage - forget it.

In saying that myself, my Husband and about 15 of my oldest schoolmates all just spent a wkend together in Italy for a wedding and it was brilliant. But that is in a group. And Husband was there and he is now mates with said ex.

Let the ex stay in the past - where he belongs.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercrummymummy

If it's really no big deal, why can't Serge go with you to have lunch with this old friend? If it weren't an ex, he'd go... right? So just bring 'im along! That really removes any weirdness. And if it's the type of lunch where you wouldn't want Serge there, then maybe it's not a good idea to go, eh? Just my two cents.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

The heart is, above all, deceitful. I think you're fooling yourself that it's "just no big deal." Because are you planning coffee dates with random old friends from elementary school? Life isn't wrapped up in one neat package, and we can't expect "closure" in every situation. An email is sufficient enough to catch up on what's happening in each other's worlds. And even then, I would tread lightly. I'm totally with your husband on this one!

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrooklyn

if you want to be sure you will never act a certain way, don't put yourself in a position where you would have the chance to prove the contrary.
you are not the same woman who went to see serge's band for the first time. you are now committed, and, as much as i could be in love with you, you should not put yourself in precarious situations.
you may be full of good intentions, but you don't truly know what your ex's thoughts are. plus, we all know you have a wild side, and this guy may remember some of the tricks that would awaken that in you.

wisdom and love. your life is in your hands (well, for the most part)...

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfahrenheit

Ummmmm..... I'd go have coffee or a drink with one of my ex's in a nano second. Why? Because we have a shared history and like it or not I had deep feeling for that person when I was young and foolish. Nothing is better than reconnecting with people from your past; its good for the soul. Those are the people who get you and accept you for who and what you are, all the pretense is long gone.

I'd imagine that if Monica were looking to rekindle a romance with this guy she'd be a little more discreet. Monica could have an affair with just about anybody --- IF that is what she was looking for. Clearly she's not looking. I say go meet your ex, Monica. Have a few good laughs, you'll feel better having gone. You're moving cross country in a few weeks so the chances of you two seeing each other again are remote.

IMHO people are just making more into this than need be.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDona

I wouldn't go. Not because I think anything inappropriate will happen, but because your husband is uncomfortable. Part of being married is respecting what makes our spouses uncomfortable even if we don't understand it. I'm with the other commenters who said if you MUST go, bring Serge.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I say go. And then you can come home, vows intact, and he'll feel better that he didn't keep you from going and nothing bad happened, and then he can get out his feelings of jealousy in bed with you that night as the guy who ultimately won :)

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Ask yourself if you would still want to meet up with this guy if Serge were to come along, of if he were to be in the room. You think the old ex would be interested in meeting you AND your husband for coffee? Not a chance! He knows damn well that husbands don't dig this sort of thing, that you are off limits. The moment you walk through that door, he's thinking he's got a chance with you. He is. Why else would be bother? Don't kid yourself thinking he just wants to catch up. Ohhhh no ( finger wagging). He's just as curious as you are and the minute he sees you and you're smiling at him, he's feeling as if he's on a date. Those old feelings kick in and before you know it...yep, He wants you. He wa-wa-wa-wa-wants you. And that's a FACT. He'll be thinking " What are my chances of stealing her away from that guy?" OR....he might just says to himself
" I sure am glad I didn't stay with HER! " Hello, Goodbye. And that's that. But the fact that you came out to meet him will make him think that you are not that happily married.
The intimacy and trust you share with Serge is worth far more than the damage it will do to your relationship if you allow yourself to do this. Believe me, if that dude considered himself a decent man he would not even be looking to meet up with you...unless he's feeling you out to see if you are in an 'unhappy' marriage..which would still place him in a precarious situation. If you LOVE your husband and your marriage is precious to you, it would be wise to guard it. Listen to Serge. He is there to protect you and needs to feel respected, needed and fulfilled. Don't toy with his heart, Guurrrrrl!

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

I'm with Serge. You have a beautiful life. Ask yourself what is missing that you need this. Do you need this? Because I think it's just asking for trouble.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCassie

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