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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Tuesday
Jun122012

Goodbye, Old House

We've spent the past three days moving. Hardcore labor from sun up to sun down - while simultaneously caring for two sick kids and still, no one has filed for divorce (yet) - but today, finally, we are all moved in our new/old house.

It's strange, I was so excited to move back and yet it's still sad, a little. This old house that we've been living in for the past six months took us in when we had no place to go. Henry learned how to walk here. We met Charlie The BadAss here. Sure it isn't really kid-friendly and has more than a few things wrong with it but, in a weird way, I'm sad to leave it. Not sad but, well, it won't be the first time I've grown a bizarre attachment to an inanimate object and actually fear that I hurt the feelings of something that obviously has no feelings. And yet, I worry that we've hurt the house's feelings by leaving. Yeah, I know. I'm crazy as hell. I also apologize to fruits and vegetables I throw away without using and I thank the Christmas tree for its service each year as I haul it outside after stripping it of all ornaments.

So yes, I walked through the rooms of this temporary home whispering thank you and goodbye. Goodbye old house. Thanks for having us during the worst time of our lives. It's time to go home.



Reader Comments (13)

onwards and upwards

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaffron

forward is the only way...
enjoy the journey...

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterfahrenheit

a song which comes to mind...

If these old walls,
If these old walls could speak
Of things that they remember well,
Stories and faces dearly held,
A couple in love
Livin' week to week,
Rooms full of laughter,
If these walls could speak.

If these old halls,
Hallowed halls could talk,
These would have a tale to tell
Of sun goin' down and dinner bell,
And children playing at hide and seek
From floor to rafter,
If these halls could speak.

They would tell you that I'm sorry
For bein' cold and blind and weak.
They would tell you that it's only
That I have a stubborn strreak,
If these walls could speak.

If these old fashioned window panes were eyes,
I guess they would have seen it all -
Each little tear and sigh and footfall,
And every dream that we came to seek
Or followed after,
If these walls could speak.

They would tell you that I owe you
More than I could ever pay.
Here's someone who really loves you;
Don't ever go away.
That's what these walls would say.

They would tell you that I owe you
More than I could ever pay.
Here's someone who really loves you;
Don't ever go away.
That's what these walls would say.

That's what these walls would say.

That's what these walls would say.

Lyrics by Jimmy Webb

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGina

I am so beyond happy for you guys but totally understand the said attachment you have for the house that took you in and helped you along on your journey.

Have fun and just take it all in....memories....they are the worth more then you can imagine.

Miss all of you!

Shelly

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShelly

You survived. It can only get better from here!! Cute pics.

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBonnieLee

I am so happy for you and your family to start this new/old chapter in your lives.

And as far as your "bizarre" attachment I blame that partially on Disney movies b/c I am the same way. I feel bad for things...like old furniture or kitchen appliances... ;)

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

As someone who has moved more than 25 times in my adult life, I get what you're saying. Some places I was happy to farewell; others, that I poured my heart and soul into, were such a wrench to leave that I could never bear to look at them again -- cos they were nobody else's but "mine." One was even haunted (by a cat!)
I fantasise that there is a little piece of myself, at different ages and stages, left behind in each one.
I wish you great joy in your rejuvenated old home, and I hope that one day it may really be your very own house, for good.

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTamsin

As someone who has moved more than 25 times in my adult life, I get what you're saying. Some places I was happy to farewell; others, that I poured my heart and soul into, were such a wrench to leave that I could never bear to look at them again -- cos they were nobody else's but "mine." One was even haunted (by a cat!)
I fantasise that there is a little piece of myself, at different ages and stages, left behind in each one.
I wish you great joy in your rejuvenated old home, and I hope that one day it may really be your very own house, for good.

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTamsin

I think that's a lovely way to exit... whispering thanks throughout the rooms.

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I too think it's lovely to express your thanks--whether the object of your gratitude can hear you is not the point in the end.... You are very sensitive and deep-feeling and those characteristics can cause deep deep
pain but they also, as you surely know, makes your joys all the sweeter. All good wishes for you and your family in your new old home.

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterE.

Much good luck to you in your new/old home. And you're not crazy...unless I am too...for apologizing to fruits & vegetable you discard. I"ve done so as I've put them in the garbage disposal.

June 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarole

I can so relate to this post. Every time I move I walk from room to room remembering and thanking the house for having me. I also thank inanimate objects and apologize if I think I may have hurt their feelings. Crazy? Maybe. I travel with a stuffed pig in my suitcase and leave it unzipped just a crack near his nose so he can "breathe." And I always apologize to him for having to be crammed in that suitcase. My luggage was lost for four days once and I was absolutely beside myself with panic NOT for my clothes and other valuables, but for Mr. Pig. Now he's part of my carry on. ;-)

As for the house(s), I'm with Tamsin. I believe we leave a little bit of ourselves behind in every one. That's why old houses have so much character and charm. Same goes for antiques.

Congrats on the new/old house. Glad you're back where you belong! Best wishes to you.

June 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkimtisha

(me too. it seems like everything in this world does have its own soul)

July 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

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