Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Tuesday
Aug212012

In Search of Truthiness

Words used to describe me this week: Smug. Annoyed. Contemptuous. Overtly dismissive. Disrespectful. Rude. Railroading.

It’s clear that “the husband” loves her and gets her and is willing to put up with just about anything for a little bone thrown his way once in a while, and of course, for the kids. He appears to love her unconditionally. It’s also clear that “the wife”, no matter what her words say, or how much she works at it, does not appear to love him unconditionally and does not accept him, warts and all. It’s painful to watch. In some cases I don’t think it’s healthy to stay together.

Monica, you come off as rude, disrespectful, smug, annoyed, even contemptuous, of Serge. He can’t even get a complete thought expressed before you’re disagreeing and deriding him. If this is you guys getting along, I’m glad we didn’t get to see the knock-down drag-outs when you weren’t getting along.

I’ve never seen a husband corrected so often, and respond with such sheepishness. It isn’t funny or cute- imagine if a woman was on the right, and a man kept asserting himself again and again over everything she said. I’d be crying for her.

You treat your husband like a child and your husband allows you to speak to him like that. He stays with you because you take care of his life. I bet he would live with his mom if you got divorced and she would replace you in almost every way. You two will stay together because you need each other. Monica needs someone to boss around and Serge needs someone to boss him around.

If you don’t think you treat your husband like shit in that video- just post it to someplace where men can view it, and see if any of them would like to be treated like that. If you can’t see it, that isn’t a surprise. But I’d die if someone treated me that way.

I wouldn't say I'm taking a beating over on He Said/She Said - the positive comments definitely outweigh the negatives - but it's so personal I feel pretty bruised and sore. I watched the video again today with an open mind and I see where people are coming from - kind of - but I'm not seeing the smugness or the derision mentioned. Maybe, in the interest of having a "natural" exchange for the camera, I jumped in and interrupted Serge more than I should have, but be honest with me here; are you guys seeing what some of the commenters are seeing?

GOD, the though of making another video this week has made my butthole pucker like the mouth of a baby trying lemon for the first time. But, well, shit. If more than one person is tuning in to a certain vibe within our marriage then perhaps I am more wrong than I ever thought. Maybe you could watch (again, if you've already seen it) and give me your honest opinion over on He Said/She Said? Being defensive is my natural response and a million reasons for certain behaviors within the video are on the tip of my tongue but I'm holding back, anxious to see what you guys think.