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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Tuesday
Aug282012

Speaking of Cats...

Yeah, I know. Posting a video of a cat pretty much earns me a gold medal in Cat Ladying, but FUCK OFF, this thing I'm about to show you is interesting, I think.

I took this video of Stevie Nicks eating her food with her paws. Is this a normal cat thing? Her paw dexterity has left me aflutter imagining the possibilities. My favorite scenario involves a monocle that I train her to carry around. Because a cat with a monocle? I think we both know the awesomeness is beyond comprehension. The only thing better than a cat with a monocle? A cat with a monocle AND a top hat. And I think we can all agree that it would pretty much be a travesty if a cat with a monocle and top hat wasn't the proud owner of a cape and oh my God do you see the awesomeness we could soon behold?

I was pretty excited about a cat who eats with her paws and then I saw this video (please watch it, you'll never regret it) of a batshit crazy (it says so in the description) lady with way too much time on her hands whose cat eats with silverware or chopsticks at the table. I like how you never hear from the husband who is probably THISCLOSE to killing her while she sleeps or is just completely stoned all the time. I also think the cat is just humoring her until one day the authorities, responding to a neighbor's call about a horrific stench emanating from her house, will find her dead, rotting body with a chopstick or fork stabbed directly into her eyeball and chances are 50/50 that it was the cat... or the husband. The only question is who will snap first. If I'm correct and the husband has access to plenty of weed, my bet is on the cat.

Wait for the part about halfway in wherein she contemplates clawing my face off and then decides NAAAH, she ain't worth it and I'm hungry.