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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Thursday
Feb282013

Internet. I Haz It!

I’m sitting in our new office waiting for the Comcast dude to come install wireless Internet. Been sitting here for two hours. Ten-thirty to twelve-thirty. That’s what they said. It’s 12:28.

SONS OF BITCHEZ!

Ye olde cell phone is dead so I’ve had to entertain myself like they did in the olden days; thinking and stuff. And then I realized that I could just type up a blog in a Word document on my computer (did you know your computer does things besides connect to the Internet?!) and upload it to my blog later.

So I have now warmed my pale face with the glow of the computer screen once again. Not the comforting warmth of the Internet where all my pretend friends live, but a warm glow emanating from my computer nonetheless.

12:29.

Will he make it? Will, like Dominos, I get a free install if he doesn’t get here on time? Does Dominos even do that? Give a free pizza if the delivery person doesn't make it in thirty minutes? Of course I'll get nothing free. Comcast exists mostly to fuck with our heads. 95% of their business is fucking with our heads and the other 5% is to give us TV and Internet and what is a life without TV and Internet? I mean what would we do then? Think and stuff? Go out side and breathe fresh air? That's ridiculous! They have us by the balls, they do.

12:31.

Check that. 97% of Comcast’s business is fucking with our heads. The other 3% is Internet and cable services.

12:33.

Thanks for the awesome two hours of nothingness, Comcast. When I didn't even dare leave the office to pump quarters in my parking meter around the corner because, of course, that five minutes would be THE five minutes the Comcast person chooses to knock on the door and then I'd miss them and then I'd have to reschedule and the next available appointment would be in March and then I would have to devise a plan to destroy Comcast and I just don't think I can fit that in my schedule right now.

12:34.

Okay, all right. I'm devising a plan to destroy Comcast. It must be done. This is madness, MADNESS I say.

12:35.

Ah yes, a knock on the door. Well played, Comcast, well played. Show up after you've ruined my day but before I've finished working out a plan to destroy Comcast headquarters.

Ten minutes later.

Internet! I haz it at my new office! Look, here's Facebook! And Twitter! Helloooo again everyone! Comcast is the best! Thank you Comcast! You're a peach! Tops! The bees knees! What does that even mean, the bees knees? The cat's meow. Or hey! The cat's pajamas! Or the monkeys eyebrows?

P.S. Below please behold new office thrift shop awesomeness procured over the weekend. Yes, that's a lamp from the 60s with a dimmer! Jealous? Probably not as jealous as you are of my new owl.

Reader Comments (6)

WOW. the clubhouse looks really cool. ( read as re-lee-coooool going up an octave and holding the note like Joanne Worlee in this clip http://youtu.be/zeys_nmxNug

I always do the really high opera note when I really like something. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! okay yes, once the internet is up and running it's like "LET THE SUNSHINE, LET THE SUNSHINE IN THE SUN SHINE IN! " as if 30 people showed up to sing it....http://youtu.be/G-4w9gKlR3U

But that was the beer ...Make mine Mich-a-lobe. Congratulations. I wish we, your pretend friends here could throw you a basement office warming party...you do have heat, right???? and a torlet right? MIcrowave for nachos? Watercooler? All in time. Congratulations ( Worlee)

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergina

Very happy for you and Serge, Monica! Your joy comes through the computer :) Enjoy your new adventure! Thank you for sharing.

March 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStacey

Love it. The Internet. The owl. The lamp. Love it all. Congrats!

March 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

I'd like to think that after this happened
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/17/AR2007101702359.html
that Comcast is a trying just a bit harder with their customer service.

March 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

Congrats on your new office! I work for Comcast and I am sorry for the wait. I am glad you are now installed. Should you need more help in the future, you can email at the email below.

Thanks,

Mark Casem
Comcast Corp.
National Customer Operations
We_can_help@cable.comcast.com

March 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterComcastMark

You're off to a great start - please post before & after photos so we can comment on your dime store decorating. I work from home and sometimes think an office would be good, but since my children are grown, I *could* stay in my robe all day and no one would know. That's a perk I might find hard to give up!

Congrats you two.

March 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGiGi

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