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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Where Is The Love?

I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual. I say “pretty sure” because I was raised Mormon, a religion that proclaims homosexuality is a terrible sin, so I never really experimented until my twenties. Residual guilt kept me from fully exploring that side of myself that had been so repressed all those years. Mormon hangover, I call it. So I had a few encounters with women in my twenties and then fell in love with and married my husband.

So that’s that. Except we all know that marriage doesn’t stop us from being attracted to other people, it’s part of life. I often find myself attracted to other women and not in the “girl crush” way that straight girls describe when they meet a girl they click with or admire. When I occasionally find myself attracted to a girl I experience the same feelings as when I’m attracted to a guy. I have felt this way since I started having sexual feelings. I remember wanting to kiss a friend in high school but revealing that side of myself seemed impossible.

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